Lined paper makes me feel bad about myself. I woke up this morning and decided to take on my day by watching three episodes of Greek on Hulu because I was too hungry to make breakfast.  Next, I remembered I had no milk so I watched a fourth episode.  Last week I discovered a bagel […]

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I saw some Republicans yesterday. In fact, I saw hundreds, maybe millions.  I was in the middle of an improv everywhere stunt, except the Republican canvassers didn’t sing show tunes, or freeze in place for five minutes.   They were real, and they all wore navy blue polo shirts and planted themselves at regular intervals […]

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My favorite Vans have a hole. When I moved to Santa Cruz, CA in 2002 I made sure that everyone knew I was from Massachusetts.  I arrived on time, brought a bunch of sweaters and khaki pants, honked at pedestrians, and just in case anyone was left wondering, I dressed as a Masshole for Halloween.  […]

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Once, when I was a freshman in college, I boiled my hairbrush in bleach in a microwave oven. In 1997 we didn’t have a swine flu pandemic.  We had lice.  The urban legend around patient zero had something to do with good deeds like volunteering at an elementary school, where the crawling dandruff latched on, […]

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If a comedy is shown in a movie theater and nobody is there to see it, is it still funny? I went to the Holland Star Theater today to see Extract.  In the previous sentence, ‘went’ is a strong word. ‘Went’ implies that I casually popped over to catch a flick. In fact, first I […]

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